Friday, December 30, 2011

Forgive Me...NOT!

"When you hold resentment toward anotheryou are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel." - Catherine Ponder

I was sitting back thinking about all of the times in my life that I've asked for forgiveness or have been asked to forgive someone. People are always talking about "forgive, but don't forget" or "forgiveness is for you and not the other person". I have mixed feelings about those sayings...

Forgive, but don't forget

I think that this only works when the person doing the forgiving has the ability to leave it ALONE! Don't forgive somebody and then while your "not forgetting", you are not letting THEM forget either. Not forgetting doesn't mean make both of your futures a living hell.

Forgiveness is for you and not the other person

I totally agree that when you forgive, you are setting yourself free. The other person USUALLY is living their life not even thinking about you and you are sitting there all mad, hot, and bothered. HOWEVER, if you are in a situation where you are still trying to have a relationship with that person, whether it's a family member, friend, or romantic interest, the forgiveness IS for the both of you. Your thoughts and emotions going on inside can effect how you act towards others and most people can sense it. The tension will eventually tear yall apart.

I look back on my own relationships in life with friends and family and wonder sometimes if I have truly forgiven people for what they have done or if I have done something to someone, have they truly forgiven me? I am the type of person that if you say you forgive me, I don't like it if I feel like I am still being judged based on "the past". Forgetting to me does not mean you have to act like it never happened and not be careful, it just means you removed the bitterness from your heart and moved on with life looking FORWARD, expecting better things, not anticipating the worst. 

Personally, if you are going to continue to make me pay for what I did, then I prefer you remove yourself from my life altogether. I have enough friends and 1 less friend isn't going to cause me to crumble and die. Especially when they are making me better and you are only making me worse.

I don't even see how you could even want to still be my friend if you are still harboring harsh feelings against me! To me that is fake and I don't like fake people. IF I am going to forgive someone, I let the hard feelings go and move forward because I cannot change the past. I don't care how much you love me or how much of your "home-girl" I am...I'd rather you let me go that way we can both FORGET each other.

How do you forgive? 

Do you forget?

Are y'all both still paying for it?


  1. Yup we are both still paying for it...and you know who im talking about too! smh. I hate the fact when one person messes up, the other person wants to keep making them pay for their mistakes and "seeks revenge" finds little ways to pay them back b/c they're hurting.

    I noticed with myself, I try to fool myself and say "ok, i forgive you" when I really don't. And I can always tell when I don't forgive some1 b/c they'll never hear the end of it, or ill make smart remarks about what it is they did to me

    Ughhh forgiveness is hard. it takes a lot to honestly forgive someone for hurting me, especially a man!

  2. @La La - Yea girl. Forgiveness is very hard. Sometimes the only way to truly forgive is to ask God for help. You have to ask yourself if you could ever get over it. I would hate to live life with someone I know I will never forgive. What hurts the most is when you are the one who wants forgiveness and can't get it. You cannot make someone forgive you though...Sigh